A Confession of Sorts

Nancy and I have had long conversations about how differently parents raise
their kids today.......and it is so different. I guess that what has
been the biggest adjustment is that I feel so inadequate in taking
care of the grandkids....no, the kids don't make me feel that
way....and to be honest, I never felt too confident when we were
raising our own....so I know that part of it is just who I am....but
there have been so many changes in over thirty years....and as I write
this, I realize that there should be changes....thank God, cloth
diapers aren't what they were....thank God someone invented the cover
over a car seat.......on and on and on......and I also think that
probably my parents had similar conversations with each other about
how Ron and I were raising the boys....why were they waiting to send
them to kindergarten....why didn't we discipline them more......

So I am going to try to not focus on what is so different from what we
did.....and I am going to try not to talk about it......there is a
world of information and they are certainly informed before they make
a decision... I am going to try to show my respect for them as parents
by abiding by their choices in raising the grandkids and not comment
on it.....I think that it really has more to do with me and who I am
than the decisions they are making......

A week ago in church our message was on communion and
confession....and how important it is to confess.....then repent, then
the forgiveness comes and the change in our hearts happens....I know
that I can't do this by myself.....so I thank you for listening to my
confession of sorts......it kind of evolved as I wrote so thank you
for giving me this opportunity to grow as a person.

Finding Myself.....

A year ago I determined to retire from a teaching career.....35 years.....and I was more than apprehensive about leaving where I had grown so comfortable.......how in the world would I occupy my days. What could possibly replace all these years of giving, giving, giving.....

Well, I have found out. I am slowly, very slowly finding myself......I am finding who I am in You....finding joy in all of that again. It has been a long time coming.....but who You want me to be is slowly coming back to me.

I put up walls, built fences all in an attempt to keep people out, relationships out....it was just easier....no disappointments that way.......but what I hadn't anticipated, it also seemed to keep You at a distance as well.....You are the ultimate relationship maker after all......how could You stay very long in such an isolated lonely area of my heart.......

But I am coming back to myself.....and what a sweetness that is......and as I come back to myself, I am finding my way around people....and relationships, and You......

Thank you for being so very patient with me. I surely do appreciate it and am grateful.