A Work in Progress.......

I am a work in progress, thank God.....and I truly mean that for it is His precious Holy Spirit that nudges me and prods me to evaluate, discard, take on--grow.  And in this work in progress, as I have molded, He has provided opportunities for me to help others grow similarly.  For me, that pushes me to want to grow even more.......to understand something about oneself--though perhaps not fully--but enough to share it with another struggling person is fulfillment.  

With retirement, comes time....and with time comes the opportunity to reflect, evaluate, discard, take on---grow.  Not that I wasn't able to grow while working....I was.  But now, it seems that the Light is shining more brightly into my soul, time seems more readily available, and yet at the same time it seems as if I haven't got much left so don't waste it----it's like I want to get it right this time around and not waste any more time dancing around what the spotlight is shining on.....

As I am writing this, Holy Spirit is revealing to me that all of my life I wanted to be really good at something----I just couldn't figure out what that was.....so many seemed to have a true gifting or calling and yet, though I always felt I was able to do many things adequately, there was not one thing that I could do spectacularly.........and as the years passed, that unfulfilled need as I saw it hung onto my soul man.  

That is, until I started looking in the most unusual places.....when I did that, I began to see an uncanny ability to organize things, rooms.....the ability to help others do the same.....

And as surprised as I was at uncovering this, when I looked back and reflected, I saw this ability threaded throughout my life, as a mom, wife, educator.....in fact, now I see that it was what made me the effective teacher that I was......I just hadn't seen it as a quality or anything special....but I was able to help students organize....to complete homework, to write a paper, to become successful in the classroom....what I took for granted as an easy task, was difficult for many; I was able to help them.  

Holy Spirit began providing avenues for me to use this gifting.....with family.  Some mistake it for a love to work, or the need for clean....but I now know it is this little gift that God has placed within me.  Everyone has one.....some are big in man's eyes; others quite small.  But to God they are all essential in the Body of Christ.....if the ribbons and bows are removed, and the paper torn off, the box opened up, and the gift taken out to be used---not displayed, not adored---just used, then God's plan for us as a work in progress works and we are better people....and His cycle continues in love. 

Emails From the Heart

To LaDonna:

As much as I love this season of my life, there is also this undercurrent always present as well....it reminds me of my age, my aches, my mortality.....of the unknown ahead as far as my memory and my physical endurance....and so each day I have to try not to go with the undercurrent but swim against it.....and that is where our faith comes to play.....there are times I am dragged with that current though you may not see that....but the wonderful thing about our relationship with the Lord is this: we always get another try at it.....our faith may waiver but He never does......we may lose hope but He is hope....and so just when I think that this elbow that hurts so continuously is going to get the best of me, or I have forgotten so often I am really scared, He takes me and holds me, reaffirms himself to me.....and I know that it is going to be okay....and not just okay....it is going to be a good time of life....thus the reason for my party celebration of life....to shout out that affirmation...

So, please understand.  You and I are the same in that regard....we both love our Lord.  We both attack life and enjoy it to its fullest.....we both falter....and we BOTH get back up and get back at it.  

You cannot exclude yourself from that little old lady faith-filled person.....you are her as well....what you can't see others see clearly.  

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

To Tim Keel:

Today I have such a grateful heart....

I know that we have been gone much of the summer but it has only reinforced my gratitude for Jacob's Well....and for you....I am indeed grateful for the continuous challenge to grow up my spirit man....and in such a healthy manner.  Thank you.  

I am grateful for Ron's new administrative job....though he tried for many positions outside of his comfort level, he remained patient and God honored him with this job....he has a smile on his face, a song in his heart, and a skip in his step.....

I am grateful that I don't have to work.....sounds silly I know but I count it such a blessing to be able to not go to work after so many years of pouring myself out at my job.....

I am grateful for this season of life....I never thought I would be.....thought I would want to be younger, want to have my younger body back.....and though sometimes my aches tempt me to long for younger days, more often than not, I LOVE right where we are.  And for that I am grateful as well.

I continue to give thanks for you.....pray that you are at peace with your calling back to us.....pray that there are those who are holding up your arms as you do battle for us.....thank you Tim.  

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++