I am really aggravated at myself....I felt a nudge on Sunday to email you but didn't write....all week, Holy Spirit has been nudging me to share with you....and though I knew that I needed to just sit down and get my thoughts down, I didn't make an effort until right now. Sure am hoping that you didn't really need this Sunday:O) I usually do a better job of following my heart....sorry.
I realized Sunday how very grateful I am for you....and the staff.
Ron and I were raised in Lutheran churches....he MO Synod, me LCA....didn't mean much to either of us until after we were married and tried to take communion at one that was a different synod than that and they refused us......mortified us....enough that we never went to a Lutheran church again as a member....in time, after several moves to a new town, we ended up attending a nondenominational church.....still not sure if it was the preaching or just me, but I became a sponge....I didn't care if anyone spoke to me, I just wanted to take in all that I could...during this season I read, listened, and watched all that I could.....see I came to really believe--not from condemning preaching---just me becoming alive to the Word of God.....that if I had died while a Lutheran, I would have gone to hell.....all the responsive readings that actually came from the Word and I hadn't had a clue. It took me a long time to sing a hymn again....and I still have trouble with readings:O) I know there will be a pipe organ in heaven but am hoping I won't have to sing all sixteen verses:O)
Well, you have probably already figured out that I went to the other end of the spectrum.....and though I thought that I was free in my worship, and so on, I took on many other "rules" because of fear...I wanted to be sure that the boys didn't grow up with the same baggage I did.....the same wrong paths I did....and so as you have heard them say.....I really controlled what was listened to or watched in our house.....I can look back now and realize how wrong it is to be motivated by fear...even then I knew that faith was the way to go...and probably convinced myself that it was my motivation....now I know differently. How patient our God is:O)
I know that I didn't do everything wrong.......the boys tell me that I am way too hard on myself....but I am not writing this as a confessional of sorts hoping you'll placate me. I am writing to thank you for being there for both of the boys.....for taking all their history.....and helping them develop such a healthy relationship with God......in fact, they are the ones who have truly helped me find a healthy balance with Him.....and for that I am grateful.....
I needed for you to know how very appreciative I am.....thanks so much. Christie
