Extremes Not Wanted

It hasn't always been easy for me to let others do things in my domain....

I really am a Martha inside but over the years have been trying to be more of a Mary....not that I don't want to be a Martha....there are good qualities about  her as there are Mary....but I don't want to be an excessive either one.....

I mean, does it really matter how the towels are folded, how the pillows are put on the bed, how the dishes are in the dishwasher.....as long as I can fit the towels in the cabinet, take the pillows off again at night, and the dishes get clean....yet, here I was always upset that no one would help me and yet, when they did, I redid it or told them how it had to be done....now don't misunderstand, I know that there needs to be teaching when a person is learning or if it truly matters, but if it doesn't truly matter, why do I make it an issue?  

By the same token I don't want to become so laid back that I get nothing around the house done.....and so I work at there being a balance with me inside.....and it isn't easy by no means.....but I see a better person evolving.....the others around me might not even notice but I feel better about me.  

I know I always go back to this but the class I went through Making Peace With Your Past helped me so very much.....and it has helped me realize that my kids will have issues to deal with just like I did.....and if they do, I want them to work that out ASAP so that they can go through these years healthier spiritually than I did.....But of course, it is their decision to make.....there was so much peace that came into my life when I realized that every family is dysfunctional.....try to say that outloud.  It is tough to do.  But it is true; it is true because of sin.........and so the most together family has dysfunction....now they may handle it with grace and forgiveness bringing His love into the picture and then that brings some heaven down here.....I sure wish I had done more of that when raising the boys......but all we can do is today....and so I am trying to remain teachable to Holy Spirit......

I apologize if I make it sound like the way that I do things is the right way.....or the way that I look at things is the only way.....that is my extreme Martha surfacing.....

This Season of Life....a Reflection

Have been reflecting for some time.....I guess my retirement season of life surprises me as much as anyone.....I was so sure that I would have to find something to keep me busy......just so sure that being at home would not be enough, and if it were, then what was wrong with me......

And yet, here I am....

I realize that I had probably emptied myself year after year after year without replenishing myself.....they say that middle school is like a war zone and I believe it......I just wore myself out.....I shudder inside when I think about being around people in a working situation and just don't think that I can do it....

I am fine with being here at home and getting a lot done or not getting much done......I love being able to get groceries in the middle of the day....or a pedicure.....or not.  I cook more.....and am enjoying that....

I feel as if I have done for others most of my life but now seems more genuine.....

And I am realizing that those tiny small things that can be done are just as essential in getting done as the big things I used to do....maybe more so, because they are more genuine.

I feel that the scripture that goes, "a time for _____and a time for ___________...."  seems like me.....for me....that at one time, I was this person, and that time I was that person.....and now perhaps, I am who I truly have wanted to be all along.....

Why am I sharing this?  Well, it seems like people love to ask me what I am going to do today......I used to have a list a mile long......and now I don't.  And though I am okay with it, to others it may seem that I am not productive enough.....I have slowed down too much.  

But to me, I look at having less time left than I have spent.....and if I just have this precious little time, then I want it to be full of what it needs to be full of.....not what man thinks it should be full of.....

And as I walk with the grandkids down a trail, or clean Erica's house, or mom sit for my neighbor, or have a dinner for our neighbors, it just seems to me, for me, what could be more important?  

What is more important than helping my daughter in laws, our sons, or our grandkids........and if time, our neighbors.....my extended family...what could I possibly need that would take me from that in order to make the money for its purchase......

And it doesn't mean that others have to follow suit....that is not the logic behind these thoughts.....but it does mean that I don't have to follow suit to them either....

And I really am okay to sit back and watch life going on around me.......before, I had to be in the center of it...but now, not so much......life is just so good right now.....and yet, when I try to share on the phone, or even an email anymore, I can't seem to find anything to share......how to put into words what my day consists of seems impossible.....but I feel full inside and that is a good thing because it has been a long time in coming....I feel satisfied and content......

Ron's Uncle Kenny passed....actually I have been in the family so long that he seems like my Uncle Kenny as well....he was 85 so it wasn't a matter of him being taken away at such a young age.  It was a matter of him being taken away because we just loved being around him....he and Aunt Lois are my example of how I want to do this last season of life.....on the day that he died, they boarded a bus with other veterans who had been on a previous Honor Flight and headed for a football game where they were honored during halftime......as he boarded the bus to come home, he had a heart attack and died.....here and then gone.....but while he was here, he embraced life, and those around him......he and Aunt Lois had the condo on the other side of us when we went down to Gulf Shores in November.....and though he walked stiffly, he walked the beach, and fished, he walked the steps to our condo to share dinner with us....and never a mention of it....after he passed, I asked what was wrong with his legs and was told that he needed two knee replacements....two----and yet, no mention of it ever......

Eight of the Fritz siblings and some spouses were there for the service......and we had a WONDERFUL week......and I don't apologize for it as if we weren't grieving if we were laughing and loving on one another......I think that he would have been upset had it been any other way......

In the last year, I have truly come to love Ron's family....we have always gotten along but before, we just met for a meal once a year and really didn't know one another...but this past year there have been several times we have been together and really been together.....we come from such different lives and yet we just love being with each other......I want to work hard at making the effort to spend time with them throughout the year....

And it has been good with Craig and Doug......Doug has a school to go to in Virginia in March....Teresa can't go so I said that I would go with him.....this is the guy that left our wedding early, and pretty much stayed out of my life for many years....I am excited about going.  Think we will have a good time.....

And so that is what my days consist of.....being open to opportunities.....period....no rocket science.....just being open to what God has for me.